No I am not talking about the kind which connects you to an article, website or app. I am talking about the kind we dreaded as school age children, perhaps joined one of in our later teenage years. Clicks of cool kids, jocks, geeks, cheerleaders, academics and self-described loners, stoners, and more. Clicks of people, who take to one another, have their own impenetrable group, and who everyone seems to love and gravitate to. We all know what it feels like to be left out, looked over, or unacknowledged. It sucks!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news folks, but people materializing into specific clusters of likeminded peoples doesn’t change with age. What does change is how we as individuals perceive these clicks.
As I am writing this, a quick break led me to my “on this day” posts on Facebook. Last year my status read, “The older you get, there are still “clubs” and “clicks”, they just present in a different way. You’re part of some you don’t want, and are excluded from others by no choice of your own. Some join a club and act like the ones not in it are suddenly foreign to them. Funny how things really never change, they just present differently.” Coincidence? Perhaps not.
As mentioned above some are indeed in some of these clicks by no choice of their own. This type of grouping is that of the individual who hasn’t yet had children- maybe they’ve tried desperately and it just hasn’t happened. People often look at these individuals with a sadness or make a comment to them regarding their lack of knowledge of rearing when said individual gives advice about children. I had an Aunt who never bore children of her own but raised many. It doesn’t take a woman who physically carried a child to be a mother. The childless then become “other” and this is when they feel left out of a certain click.
This individual is the one where they’ve experienced the loss of a parent or child-, a terrible club that one certainly didn’t ask to be in, but may be there anyhow. This club is awful. And also lonely. This club is one no one wishes to be in and wouldn’t wish the admission to anyone.
You and I both could certainly name countless other examples, but you get my point.
Whether you’re aware of it or not, you have been in a click. I certainly have. I certainly am. Clicks you see are not an inherently bad thing. The definition of click, as I am referring, is “quickly become friendly or intimate.” To take to one another, get along, feel a rapport. We all have individuals we gravitate to because we have a kinship, because we form a quick friendship with them and can converse on what we have in common. Our likes and dislikes. Perhaps our personalities are similar or maybe it’s the old opposites attract mantra. I should sincerely hope that each and every one of us belongs to a click, that we have meaningful and lasting friendships. What a lonely existence if we did not. Clicks only become bothersome when the individuals in said click treat outsiders poorly. No one wants to be labeled “other.” And they certainly don’t want treated that way either.
We notice clubs and clicks on Instagram too. If you’re reading this, you fully understand what I am speaking of. These clicks however, I do not see as inherently negative. This is an example of forming friendships, and I have never felt like I couldn’t participate in a group hashtag or meet new people. This is an area that we as adults need to re-evaluate how we perceive the click. Unless someone is being nasty (I haven’t seen this) or purposefully excluding others (Also have not seen this), then it is up to YOU to explore and participate. Reach out to people, start a conversation. Join a group read and participate in a reading challenge. The great thing about the bookstagram community in my experience is the camaraderie and the new people you meet and form friendships with. That’s all it takes is one conversation or one partaking in a challenge or group read, to meet and form acquaintances.
It really all comes down to perception. You can see the positive, and treat people accordingly, understand intentions and be well intended yourself, or you can be a negative Nancy. Personally, I find much more joy in seeing the good in everything. Believe me, this is not always easy and I am without doubt not always successful. Individuals become better people when they are more compassionate, inclusive and open minded. You are also better off not assuming you are left out, and taking a leap outside your comfort zones and joining groups instead of leaving yourself out.